Coming out of school was such a shock. One minute I was surrounded everyday all day by people, and the next it was so lonely I was convince outside my house nothing existed. Isolation is a form of torture, so no wonder it’s so incredibly debilitating.
For myself, the more I got consumed into my own issues (mostly of being so lonely) the more difficult it was to venture out and change my perspective on everyone
‘Everyone is normal, I’m not normal. People have connections with people… and I’m just weird and different and connectionless.’
Which not only attracted situations in which I felt really left out, but also inhibited my ability to deal with the feelings when it would occur. This made me really distrusting of people and viewed everyone as quite disposable.
I guess that is how I saw my self. Disposable.
How I dealt with this was changing my mind set.
‘You don’t have to harden up (which is what I previously thought)… just realise that no one is going to save you.’
The best form on self love is helping yourself and it’s so satisfying. So I learnt to be alone and really enjoy my own company. I went to places in myself that I found hard to accept sat with them and realised how bad it WASN’T. Picked up a variety of hobbies…that were subtly social, not full blown intense being around people all the time.
And worked on being a good citizen even if it’s ‘embarrassing’ to approach strangers with help… it really works miracles. Just push passed the reluctance.
Slowly life has become a lot more stable.